just a preface? it is actually really funny that i would give anyone any advice, ever. if you know me in person, you know i'm basically, well, kind of a mess. but in a good way, i like to think.
i mean, in the words of dell griffith, 'i-i like me. my wife (ok, husband) likes me. my customers like me. 'cause i'm the real article. what you see is what you get.' **
i am embracing the fact that sometimes we've got it all together, and sometimes we don't. and not having it together is ok. so this advice is really for me, too.
on to number one...
TAKE THE COMPLIMENT.
the proper response after a compliment is 'thank you'.
that's it.
do not add any more words.
it is not
'thank you but i just didn't have any more clean sweats in my closet now i have to wear this killer dress to pick up my kids at school'
or
'thank you but i know my roots are showing and i need to get them done'
or
'thank you but you should see the closets, that's where i stuffed everything!'
it's just 'thank you'.
listen, we can all see that zit on your face. we are complimenting you because despite it, you look nice. we don't care about the zit. yes, you have gained weight since your second child. we don't care. you still look nice. (actually more so, because curvy girls are sexy girls!) so just take the freakin' compliment. say 'thank you'.
oh, and smile, because someone just gave you a compliment.
***********************************************************
** if you are a HUGE plains and trains fan like pants and i, then watch due date. it's basically the same subtle humor and plotline, and zach g's character is sooo funny in it. oh, and robert downey jr. is the hottest man on the planet, fyi.
Friday, March 23, 2012
Thursday, March 3, 2011
leatherbound
chapter 1
chapter 2 (revised a bit. this story is always a work in progress!)
chapter 3
day 4 - addis ababa, ethiopia
i freakin' hate this city! this is the worst city ever!! i cannot BELIEVE what just happened. i just got CHASED for two whole blocks by a random beggar kid WITH NO LEGS. yes, that's right. WITH NO LEGS. he wouldn't stop grabbing at me and then he started coming after me propelling himself with only his arms. this is the freakiest thing that has ever happened to me! i was just trying to be nice and give him a few bucks, geez! the bad part is that ed warned me about not giving money to people on the street, about how if you give them one little thing, they will try to take everything. sigh. i've really got to start listening to people.
on the upside, i did finally make it back to the guesthouse after i found the little store shane and i had run out to on the night i got here, where 3 pounds of international candy (for me) and 2 packs of smokes (for him) cost us only like, a dollar. i love american money.
***
that night when we were pulling up to what looked like an african version of the ugliest motel 6 known to man, and what i assumed was the guesthouse, i started to sweat. like, for real. like, through my shirt. the shirt i suddenly realized was already super gross from wearing it traveling for the past two days. i hate that i sweat like this when i get nervous. i feel like a guy. and why am i so nervous all of a sudden? maybe because it's all starting to feel really...real.
after we parked the rover and dragged my stuff out of the back, i followed ed up a rickety outdoor stairway to my room. he turned to me.
'well, dinner's in about twenty minutes in the common room, so feel free to...freshen up a bit.' great, he's totally looking straight at my obviously sweaty shirt while he's saying that. i don't even blame him.
'there's a few other of our team members staying here, so once you get oriented over the next couple of days, we'll all fly down together on thursday.'
'sounds good. thanks, ed.' he really is a nice guy.
opening the door to my room makes it pretty clear this is not a guesthouse in the true sense of the word, what with the best accessory in the room being the lone bulb on a pull string hanging from the ceiling. i halfheartedly throw my pack at the single bed, miss, and end up rummaging on the floor for clean underwear and the least wrinkly t-shirt i can find. another pair of my endless supply of cargo pants completes my standard what-i-think-people-wear-in-this-line-of-work ensemble. i have waited all day to kick off my beaten-up combat boots, and when i finally shove my feet into a pair of four dollar flip flops i decided to bring last-minute, it's bliss. aaah. there's a door at the back of the room, which i guess is the bathroom? oh, nope, it's a hallway. a dark dingy one. with ugly frayed orange carpet. and an odd smell and peeling 1970's wallpaper. wow. this place is...terrible? and which door is the bathroom? aha, here's one with a faded 'bath' sign on it. bingo. i brush my teeth for the first time in 24 hours, wash my face with cold water, and pull my now matted and frizzy just-past shoulder-length hair into a ponytail. not good. but good enough.
i walk back to my room and put my toothbrush back in it's cute little travel case. i so love cute little travel cases. there's a knock at the door. i open it, and it's a girl about my age with long brown hair and really light blue eyes.
'hi! i'm heather. ed told me you just got here and i thought we could go down to dinner together. i'm part of the james sund team, too.' she had a slight accent i couldn't quite place.
'hi! i'm anna. nice to meet you. let me just throw on some deodorant and i'll be good.' and before i could stop myself, i rambled on, 'your eyes are gorgeous, by the way. kind of like cameron diaz. isn't it weird how she's so blonde even though she's like, part cuban? or i heard she was, anyway.' why why would i say that? what is my problem?! i don't know what's more embarrassing when i get nervous, the excessive sweating or the way i go on and on about nothing. thankfully heather just smiled at me, though.
i smiled back. 'anyway, i'm ready! and...where exactly are you from? just curious.'
'originally norway. but my family has lived in south africa for the past eight years. no one can ever guess my accent.'
we walked down the outside staircase and under a few hanging lamps, asking each other those typical inconsequential getting-to-know-you questions, until we came to a first-floor room with an open doorway. there was a long table down the middle of the room, every chair filled but two. i started to get excited. and nervous. (aaand...here come the sweats.)
heather and i both said hello to the table at large, and took our seats. ed was sitting at the far end buttering a piece of bread and talking to a big bearded guy with a bandanna. on the other side of ed was a super cute dark-haired girl who looked all of, oh, fifteen. she had one of those really short pixie haircuts i could never pull off and was laughing at something the guy next to her was saying.
now there's a guy living out some hardcore indiana jones' fantasy. a leather bomber jacket in eighty degree heat? speaks volumes. the woman across from him (early forties, long hippie-looking skirt, probably a botanist) was looking at some boring textbook in her lap, quoting something, but no one seemed to be listening. a craggy-looking guy with greying hair who looked like he'd been around the block a few times was next to her, typing into a blackberry. across from me and heather was a skinny japanese kid explaining how he had thousands of dollars of the latest field equipment stashed in his room, and next to him another older guy wearing a baseball cap was doing a really bad job of pretending to be interested.
ok wait, the guy with the baseball cap is kind of good looking. and not really all that old. wow, he's actually really attractive. well, if you're into that rugged, slighty unshowered kind of thing. which i am. it's hard to tell what exactly his eye color is with that hat on, but his smile seems nice...what is wrong with me? i am not here to meet guys! especially not old ones, geez!
once heather and i sat down, it was introductions all around, with ed playing the role of host while the guesthouse kitchen staff (which seemed to only consist of two people) served us a forgettable dinner. not that i cared, since my last meal was a handful of pretzels and a chocolate milk. about seven hours ago. i did learn that bandanna boy was bob morgan, who's been working in ethiopia for years, and shane was the one with the jacket. mary the reading lady was from england and indeed a botanist (yes! i was right!), and her husband (who blackberried through dessert, by the way) was phil. man, i love their accents. even though i almost giggled out loud when they invited me and heather to 'come round to their room later for a spot of tea'. noel was the tech guy, and if you could get past the geek part of it, he was actually really nice. lee rand was the rugged one i initially found attractive. well, until he opened his mouth. let's just say...way too arrogant. if henry was here, he'd smirk and make his little 'he's compensating for something...' joke. oh, and the pixie girl was june, some friend of shane's from the mission compound down the road.
ok, shane? was really funny. like, making fun of himself for being overly excited and wearing the indy jacket and ashamedly admitting he had the matching fedora hat in his room-type of funny. he kept making june and heather and i laugh with his little impressions and deadpan comments. he's gonna be fun. he's also the intern. heather is the other research assistant besides me, and everyone else is a field veteran. there are a few more already at the site, and we'll meet up with them on thursday.
i still don't know what exactly i'm going to be doing or who i am actually assisting, but i don't really know who to ask about it. i mean, i know our group's main purpose is research - to go into a previously unexplored area and assess the needs of the people groups there and then match the needs with various organizations that can help them. wildlife experts like ed and mary and phil go along to catalog the indigenous creatures while we're there. i just kind of jumped on the bandwagon when alice (who has a proper job working in the science department at a college, by the way) recommended me for the research assistant job. since my previous work experience consisted of practically temping myself to death for years in a slew of life-sucking office jobs and then running away to france to eat pastries for three months, this job seemed like a dream.
chapter 2 (revised a bit. this story is always a work in progress!)
chapter 3
day 4 - addis ababa, ethiopia
i freakin' hate this city! this is the worst city ever!! i cannot BELIEVE what just happened. i just got CHASED for two whole blocks by a random beggar kid WITH NO LEGS. yes, that's right. WITH NO LEGS. he wouldn't stop grabbing at me and then he started coming after me propelling himself with only his arms. this is the freakiest thing that has ever happened to me! i was just trying to be nice and give him a few bucks, geez! the bad part is that ed warned me about not giving money to people on the street, about how if you give them one little thing, they will try to take everything. sigh. i've really got to start listening to people.
on the upside, i did finally make it back to the guesthouse after i found the little store shane and i had run out to on the night i got here, where 3 pounds of international candy (for me) and 2 packs of smokes (for him) cost us only like, a dollar. i love american money.
***
that night when we were pulling up to what looked like an african version of the ugliest motel 6 known to man, and what i assumed was the guesthouse, i started to sweat. like, for real. like, through my shirt. the shirt i suddenly realized was already super gross from wearing it traveling for the past two days. i hate that i sweat like this when i get nervous. i feel like a guy. and why am i so nervous all of a sudden? maybe because it's all starting to feel really...real.
after we parked the rover and dragged my stuff out of the back, i followed ed up a rickety outdoor stairway to my room. he turned to me.
'well, dinner's in about twenty minutes in the common room, so feel free to...freshen up a bit.' great, he's totally looking straight at my obviously sweaty shirt while he's saying that. i don't even blame him.
'there's a few other of our team members staying here, so once you get oriented over the next couple of days, we'll all fly down together on thursday.'
'sounds good. thanks, ed.' he really is a nice guy.
opening the door to my room makes it pretty clear this is not a guesthouse in the true sense of the word, what with the best accessory in the room being the lone bulb on a pull string hanging from the ceiling. i halfheartedly throw my pack at the single bed, miss, and end up rummaging on the floor for clean underwear and the least wrinkly t-shirt i can find. another pair of my endless supply of cargo pants completes my standard what-i-think-people-wear-in-this-line-of-work ensemble. i have waited all day to kick off my beaten-up combat boots, and when i finally shove my feet into a pair of four dollar flip flops i decided to bring last-minute, it's bliss. aaah. there's a door at the back of the room, which i guess is the bathroom? oh, nope, it's a hallway. a dark dingy one. with ugly frayed orange carpet. and an odd smell and peeling 1970's wallpaper. wow. this place is...terrible? and which door is the bathroom? aha, here's one with a faded 'bath' sign on it. bingo. i brush my teeth for the first time in 24 hours, wash my face with cold water, and pull my now matted and frizzy just-past shoulder-length hair into a ponytail. not good. but good enough.
i walk back to my room and put my toothbrush back in it's cute little travel case. i so love cute little travel cases. there's a knock at the door. i open it, and it's a girl about my age with long brown hair and really light blue eyes.
'hi! i'm heather. ed told me you just got here and i thought we could go down to dinner together. i'm part of the james sund team, too.' she had a slight accent i couldn't quite place.
'hi! i'm anna. nice to meet you. let me just throw on some deodorant and i'll be good.' and before i could stop myself, i rambled on, 'your eyes are gorgeous, by the way. kind of like cameron diaz. isn't it weird how she's so blonde even though she's like, part cuban? or i heard she was, anyway.' why why would i say that? what is my problem?! i don't know what's more embarrassing when i get nervous, the excessive sweating or the way i go on and on about nothing. thankfully heather just smiled at me, though.
i smiled back. 'anyway, i'm ready! and...where exactly are you from? just curious.'
'originally norway. but my family has lived in south africa for the past eight years. no one can ever guess my accent.'
we walked down the outside staircase and under a few hanging lamps, asking each other those typical inconsequential getting-to-know-you questions, until we came to a first-floor room with an open doorway. there was a long table down the middle of the room, every chair filled but two. i started to get excited. and nervous. (aaand...here come the sweats.)
heather and i both said hello to the table at large, and took our seats. ed was sitting at the far end buttering a piece of bread and talking to a big bearded guy with a bandanna. on the other side of ed was a super cute dark-haired girl who looked all of, oh, fifteen. she had one of those really short pixie haircuts i could never pull off and was laughing at something the guy next to her was saying.
now there's a guy living out some hardcore indiana jones' fantasy. a leather bomber jacket in eighty degree heat? speaks volumes. the woman across from him (early forties, long hippie-looking skirt, probably a botanist) was looking at some boring textbook in her lap, quoting something, but no one seemed to be listening. a craggy-looking guy with greying hair who looked like he'd been around the block a few times was next to her, typing into a blackberry. across from me and heather was a skinny japanese kid explaining how he had thousands of dollars of the latest field equipment stashed in his room, and next to him another older guy wearing a baseball cap was doing a really bad job of pretending to be interested.
ok wait, the guy with the baseball cap is kind of good looking. and not really all that old. wow, he's actually really attractive. well, if you're into that rugged, slighty unshowered kind of thing. which i am. it's hard to tell what exactly his eye color is with that hat on, but his smile seems nice...what is wrong with me? i am not here to meet guys! especially not old ones, geez!
once heather and i sat down, it was introductions all around, with ed playing the role of host while the guesthouse kitchen staff (which seemed to only consist of two people) served us a forgettable dinner. not that i cared, since my last meal was a handful of pretzels and a chocolate milk. about seven hours ago. i did learn that bandanna boy was bob morgan, who's been working in ethiopia for years, and shane was the one with the jacket. mary the reading lady was from england and indeed a botanist (yes! i was right!), and her husband (who blackberried through dessert, by the way) was phil. man, i love their accents. even though i almost giggled out loud when they invited me and heather to 'come round to their room later for a spot of tea'. noel was the tech guy, and if you could get past the geek part of it, he was actually really nice. lee rand was the rugged one i initially found attractive. well, until he opened his mouth. let's just say...way too arrogant. if henry was here, he'd smirk and make his little 'he's compensating for something...' joke. oh, and the pixie girl was june, some friend of shane's from the mission compound down the road.
ok, shane? was really funny. like, making fun of himself for being overly excited and wearing the indy jacket and ashamedly admitting he had the matching fedora hat in his room-type of funny. he kept making june and heather and i laugh with his little impressions and deadpan comments. he's gonna be fun. he's also the intern. heather is the other research assistant besides me, and everyone else is a field veteran. there are a few more already at the site, and we'll meet up with them on thursday.
i still don't know what exactly i'm going to be doing or who i am actually assisting, but i don't really know who to ask about it. i mean, i know our group's main purpose is research - to go into a previously unexplored area and assess the needs of the people groups there and then match the needs with various organizations that can help them. wildlife experts like ed and mary and phil go along to catalog the indigenous creatures while we're there. i just kind of jumped on the bandwagon when alice (who has a proper job working in the science department at a college, by the way) recommended me for the research assistant job. since my previous work experience consisted of practically temping myself to death for years in a slew of life-sucking office jobs and then running away to france to eat pastries for three months, this job seemed like a dream.
leatherbound
i reworked chapter one just a bit. you can find it here.
chapter 2
day 2 - flight to addis ababa
i can't sleep. my seatmate got off in cairo (thankfully), but a lady with a drowsy three-year-old on her lap took his seat and then asked if they could have the window. i was kind of pissed about the switch at first, but then i noticed this guy sitting two rows in front of me on the aisle. shaggy light brown hair, looks tall, maybe he's american, too? he turned around once and i saw how cute he was and now i'm trying to think of some reason to walk past him. i wonder if he's part of the team i'm meeting in addis?
i'm officially pathetic. disgusted with my inability to see an attractive human male and not immediately start fantasizing about him, i shut my journal, put in my earbuds, and lay my gross cardboard-like pillow on the rickety tray table. i just want to sleep.
***
we land, and after a couple not-so-subtle glances at the cute guy in front of me, i decide he's way too young and i don't care anymore anyway. this trip is about me, dammit, not getting all involved in some lame boy drama like i usually do. i'm finally finally getting to do something important and grown-up on my own, so i definitely don't need any distractions. i'm trying not to set my hopes too high on this job, but i just have a good feeling that this time i won't be disappointed. let's hope, anyway.
somehow i manage to get through customs with just a few minor problems, despite the fact that aside from my personal stuff i'm carrying two huge army bags chock-full of random fake food items like boxed macaroni and pudding mix. (is it weird that that's what they told me to bring? or weird that i never even questioned it?) i'm just glad a not-quite-natural redhead with an ugly carpetbag and a patagonia hiking pack doesn't fit the profile. i push open the airport door and stop. wow. mid-january in ethiopia is definitely a big step up from mid-january in michigan. i breathe in the light breeze that blows across my cheek, and take in all the exotic-looking flowering bushes right outside the double doors. and are those...palm trees? ok, that's it. i'm never leaving.
i sat on a bench next to the curb to wait for my ride, per my written instructions. why were these handwritten, anyway? shouldn't this be all typed up, official-like? i could barely read this thing. whatever. i'm here. i can hail a taxi if i have to. i lived three months in a strange european city by myself, for goodness sake. (well, sort of. i mean, i did live with alice and ernie and they basically did everything for me, but...i can at least handle getting to a guesthouse six miles away from the airport. i think.) i briefly wonder if the cute guy is going to walk by. i mean, it's not like i care or anything, but there's only like, one entrance, right? so it just stands to reason...my ride! my ride is here. all other thoughts fly out of my head. here we go!
'hello there, young lady. you must be anna. i'm ed burkin.'
'hi ed, nice to meet you.' i smile even though his overly solid handshake kind of hurts my hand. i forgive him though, because his eyes had a kindness that made me instantly like him. with his thin gray hair and slight potbelly, he was pretty much the quintessential grandfather.
'let me get the rest of the bags, then i'll take you to meet the crew.'
'oh, i'll help with that.' i helped him load the two heavy army bags, then threw my pack and carpetbag on top. man, i love that carpetbag. my best friend alice always loved to make crazy cat lady jokes when i would lug it around, but i found it at my favorite thrift store in college and i just can't part with it.
'how was the flight?' ed was asking.
'it was great. i mostly slept a lot.'
'thursday's plane is just a twelve-seater. ever been on a small plane before?' ed asked.
'just once, but it was a long time ago in college.'
'i just hope our pilot's not drunk again like last time.' i start to smile and shake my head, but then realize he doesn't seem to be joking.
'you're gonna love the crew. we're mostly a bunch of field veterans, but there's one other assistant besides you, and an intern. great group. james has been doing a great job supervising the site the past three years.'
'yeah, i've heard he's really great to work with. i'm excited to finally get some hands-on experience.'
ed shot me an odd look and cleared his throat. 'yeah...it's sometimes not exactly what you might expect coming on the field the first time.'
i didn't know exactly how to respond to that, so i do what i normally do when i start to get uncomfortable. i fake-smile a little too big and change the subject. 'so what do you do, specifically?'
'oh, i'm a bug guy. i work primarily with categorizing new species. i spend a lot of time out in the till.' till?
or are you out there by yourself? or do you have an assistant?'
'nope, it's just me. i like it that way, actually. i'm kind of a loner. well, just don't tell my wife that.'
i glanced at his left hand with the dulled but obvious silver band. 'is she here too?'
'no, no, she stays back in san diego while i putter around in the forest...i think we both prefer it that way,' he said with a knowing smile.
oh-kay. ed was definitely going to be fun. we were companionably silent the rest of the short ride to the guesthouse, with ed pointing out landmarks here and there. honestly, i wasn't really listening. i was too busy sticking my neck out the window trying to take in every glimpse of this new city. the smell and the feel of it was just so...foreign. dirty but not dirty. i had never experienced anything like this - the sweet smells of hot injera and summer blooms that were not quite masking the odors of unwashed animals and poverty; the modern buildings that were sandwiched next to shacks. streets seemed to have no lanes, and ed was slamming the brakes every other second so we wouldn't crash into the back of a van with no doors and fifteen ethiopian guys hanging out of it. it was so...third world, but not quite.
oh my gosh, i'm in love with this city.
i know in my head the twilight was painting a romanticized version of the harsher reality i would see the next day, but for now, this night, driving with ed on these odd meandering roads, this was my city.
i just hoped i could sneak out sometime during the next two days to explore.
chapter 2
day 2 - flight to addis ababa
i can't sleep. my seatmate got off in cairo (thankfully), but a lady with a drowsy three-year-old on her lap took his seat and then asked if they could have the window. i was kind of pissed about the switch at first, but then i noticed this guy sitting two rows in front of me on the aisle. shaggy light brown hair, looks tall, maybe he's american, too? he turned around once and i saw how cute he was and now i'm trying to think of some reason to walk past him. i wonder if he's part of the team i'm meeting in addis?
i'm officially pathetic. disgusted with my inability to see an attractive human male and not immediately start fantasizing about him, i shut my journal, put in my earbuds, and lay my gross cardboard-like pillow on the rickety tray table. i just want to sleep.
***
we land, and after a couple not-so-subtle glances at the cute guy in front of me, i decide he's way too young and i don't care anymore anyway. this trip is about me, dammit, not getting all involved in some lame boy drama like i usually do. i'm finally finally getting to do something important and grown-up on my own, so i definitely don't need any distractions. i'm trying not to set my hopes too high on this job, but i just have a good feeling that this time i won't be disappointed. let's hope, anyway.
somehow i manage to get through customs with just a few minor problems, despite the fact that aside from my personal stuff i'm carrying two huge army bags chock-full of random fake food items like boxed macaroni and pudding mix. (is it weird that that's what they told me to bring? or weird that i never even questioned it?) i'm just glad a not-quite-natural redhead with an ugly carpetbag and a patagonia hiking pack doesn't fit the profile. i push open the airport door and stop. wow. mid-january in ethiopia is definitely a big step up from mid-january in michigan. i breathe in the light breeze that blows across my cheek, and take in all the exotic-looking flowering bushes right outside the double doors. and are those...palm trees? ok, that's it. i'm never leaving.
i sat on a bench next to the curb to wait for my ride, per my written instructions. why were these handwritten, anyway? shouldn't this be all typed up, official-like? i could barely read this thing. whatever. i'm here. i can hail a taxi if i have to. i lived three months in a strange european city by myself, for goodness sake. (well, sort of. i mean, i did live with alice and ernie and they basically did everything for me, but...i can at least handle getting to a guesthouse six miles away from the airport. i think.) i briefly wonder if the cute guy is going to walk by. i mean, it's not like i care or anything, but there's only like, one entrance, right? so it just stands to reason...my ride! my ride is here. all other thoughts fly out of my head. here we go!
'hello there, young lady. you must be anna. i'm ed burkin.'
'hi ed, nice to meet you.' i smile even though his overly solid handshake kind of hurts my hand. i forgive him though, because his eyes had a kindness that made me instantly like him. with his thin gray hair and slight potbelly, he was pretty much the quintessential grandfather.
'let me get the rest of the bags, then i'll take you to meet the crew.'
'oh, i'll help with that.' i helped him load the two heavy army bags, then threw my pack and carpetbag on top. man, i love that carpetbag. my best friend alice always loved to make crazy cat lady jokes when i would lug it around, but i found it at my favorite thrift store in college and i just can't part with it.
'how was the flight?' ed was asking.
'it was great. i mostly slept a lot.'
'thursday's plane is just a twelve-seater. ever been on a small plane before?' ed asked.
'just once, but it was a long time ago in college.'
'i just hope our pilot's not drunk again like last time.' i start to smile and shake my head, but then realize he doesn't seem to be joking.
'you're gonna love the crew. we're mostly a bunch of field veterans, but there's one other assistant besides you, and an intern. great group. james has been doing a great job supervising the site the past three years.'
'yeah, i've heard he's really great to work with. i'm excited to finally get some hands-on experience.'
ed shot me an odd look and cleared his throat. 'yeah...it's sometimes not exactly what you might expect coming on the field the first time.'
i didn't know exactly how to respond to that, so i do what i normally do when i start to get uncomfortable. i fake-smile a little too big and change the subject. 'so what do you do, specifically?'
'oh, i'm a bug guy. i work primarily with categorizing new species. i spend a lot of time out in the till.' till?
or are you out there by yourself? or do you have an assistant?'
'nope, it's just me. i like it that way, actually. i'm kind of a loner. well, just don't tell my wife that.'
i glanced at his left hand with the dulled but obvious silver band. 'is she here too?'
'no, no, she stays back in san diego while i putter around in the forest...i think we both prefer it that way,' he said with a knowing smile.
oh-kay. ed was definitely going to be fun. we were companionably silent the rest of the short ride to the guesthouse, with ed pointing out landmarks here and there. honestly, i wasn't really listening. i was too busy sticking my neck out the window trying to take in every glimpse of this new city. the smell and the feel of it was just so...foreign. dirty but not dirty. i had never experienced anything like this - the sweet smells of hot injera and summer blooms that were not quite masking the odors of unwashed animals and poverty; the modern buildings that were sandwiched next to shacks. streets seemed to have no lanes, and ed was slamming the brakes every other second so we wouldn't crash into the back of a van with no doors and fifteen ethiopian guys hanging out of it. it was so...third world, but not quite.
oh my gosh, i'm in love with this city.
i know in my head the twilight was painting a romanticized version of the harsher reality i would see the next day, but for now, this night, driving with ed on these odd meandering roads, this was my city.
i just hoped i could sneak out sometime during the next two days to explore.
Friday, February 12, 2010
this boardwalk is too small for the both of us
don't look at me
ignore the yellow shoes
that you stole for me
and i'll turn my head
so i won't
see
your perfect profile
and your stupid smile
that is not meant for me
anymore
ignore the yellow shoes
that you stole for me
and i'll turn my head
so i won't
see
your perfect profile
and your stupid smile
that is not meant for me
anymore
i was just seeing red
i cut you down hard
i'm sorry i'm not sorry
you shouldn't have made me
buy so many hats
but you bloomed
once
ok, twice or three timesi'm sorry i'm not sorry
you shouldn't have made me
buy so many hats
but you bloomed
anyway
despitemy best efforts
and my best scissors
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
if only i could put my fishnet stockings on one-handed
i have a confession. kind of a big one...
i got married too young.
yup. note that i am not saying i married the wrong person, just that i was wayyy too freaking young to delve into something as important as joining my entire life with someone else. i was 22, pants was 21. what the hell were we thinking?! um, apparently we weren't. pants wasn't even done with school yet. but we were over the moon for each other, and midwest baptist kids sometimes get pressured into this kind of thing, and we were no exception...you're a christian - get married young so you won't be tempted by sex! eek!! yikes! don't say the S word!!
now i know it's not like that for everybody. and i know there are lots of people that get married young and it works for them. i'm just saying that for us, it was really hard to have a 'we' when we were still very much 2 separate 'i's.
1998
i had just landed back in the states from a life-changing 5-month stint in africa, and was still on the cusp of figuring out who i was. i was young, emotionally immature, and had never really been on my own in the modern world. (i had only been on my own in out-of-the-way places like remote yukon villages and sudanese refugee camps. interesting times, but not very practical experiences to prepare me for normal american living.) pants proposed to me 4 days before i left the country (timing was never his strong suit), and we married 2 months after i got back.
it took me about 5 seconds of toiling away at a boring old office job to figure out that i am just NOT the office job type. honestly, at the time my dream job just couldn't be found in america - i graduated with a theology degree and pretty much yearned to spend my life in a jungle, translating Biblical texts into the foreign language of an indigenous tribe somewhere. i think i somehow tricked myself into thinking that pants and i were on the same wavelength regarding that...and we definitely were not.
did i mention i also had undiagnosed clinical depression at this time? and an eating disorder because of said depression? no? yeah, that kept things interesting. i also went through surgery 4 weeks after we married, was on birth control and malaria meds that year which totally threw my hormones out of whack, and found out i had some seriously painful internal parasites (due to being in africa) eating up my insides. and pants was both in school and working fulltime, which left him pretty much emotionally unavailable during those first years. any of those things alone would have sent my head into a tailspin, so you can imagine the joy i was to live with that year. needless to say, our first year (well, 2, actually) was hell.
2000
but then things got better. after a string of odd jobs, my depression lightened considerably when i got a job as a freelance writer for an internet travel magazine, we moved, i started running again, and pants and i finally learned that 'yelling at each other' was not synonymous with 'communicating'. and i got pregnant. sky was like our little miracle baby - he healed me in mind and body, and i was beyond thrilled to be pregnant.
and now i'm tired of writing. i'll have to finish up this little i-sucked-as-a-married-person-in-my-early-twenties saga later. toodles!
i got married too young.
yup. note that i am not saying i married the wrong person, just that i was wayyy too freaking young to delve into something as important as joining my entire life with someone else. i was 22, pants was 21. what the hell were we thinking?! um, apparently we weren't. pants wasn't even done with school yet. but we were over the moon for each other, and midwest baptist kids sometimes get pressured into this kind of thing, and we were no exception...you're a christian - get married young so you won't be tempted by sex! eek!! yikes! don't say the S word!!
now i know it's not like that for everybody. and i know there are lots of people that get married young and it works for them. i'm just saying that for us, it was really hard to have a 'we' when we were still very much 2 separate 'i's.
1998
i had just landed back in the states from a life-changing 5-month stint in africa, and was still on the cusp of figuring out who i was. i was young, emotionally immature, and had never really been on my own in the modern world. (i had only been on my own in out-of-the-way places like remote yukon villages and sudanese refugee camps. interesting times, but not very practical experiences to prepare me for normal american living.) pants proposed to me 4 days before i left the country (timing was never his strong suit), and we married 2 months after i got back.
it took me about 5 seconds of toiling away at a boring old office job to figure out that i am just NOT the office job type. honestly, at the time my dream job just couldn't be found in america - i graduated with a theology degree and pretty much yearned to spend my life in a jungle, translating Biblical texts into the foreign language of an indigenous tribe somewhere. i think i somehow tricked myself into thinking that pants and i were on the same wavelength regarding that...and we definitely were not.
did i mention i also had undiagnosed clinical depression at this time? and an eating disorder because of said depression? no? yeah, that kept things interesting. i also went through surgery 4 weeks after we married, was on birth control and malaria meds that year which totally threw my hormones out of whack, and found out i had some seriously painful internal parasites (due to being in africa) eating up my insides. and pants was both in school and working fulltime, which left him pretty much emotionally unavailable during those first years. any of those things alone would have sent my head into a tailspin, so you can imagine the joy i was to live with that year. needless to say, our first year (well, 2, actually) was hell.
2000
but then things got better. after a string of odd jobs, my depression lightened considerably when i got a job as a freelance writer for an internet travel magazine, we moved, i started running again, and pants and i finally learned that 'yelling at each other' was not synonymous with 'communicating'. and i got pregnant. sky was like our little miracle baby - he healed me in mind and body, and i was beyond thrilled to be pregnant.
and now i'm tired of writing. i'll have to finish up this little i-sucked-as-a-married-person-in-my-early-twenties saga later. toodles!
Saturday, February 21, 2009
leatherbound
i've been digging in my archives again. here's the first chapter from a little novella i'm thinking about trying to finish.
chapter one
my pencil broke.
it's my own fault, i guess. i mean, who still uses a pencil these days? i dug around in my carry-on for a pen. found one. a scratchy old bic that i thought i threw away. perfect.
i look down at my new 'journal'. an expensive dark brown leatherbound that looks like i found it in some old man's study next to a half-empty bottle of scotch. nice going-away present, mom and dad. you guys said you thought i would appreciate it. unfortunately you didn't think i would appreciate some cold hard cash or a fancy ipad. no, an old man notebook is just fine for our little princess.
anyway. what am i supposed to write in this thing? not like i don't have the time right now, since i'm on the middle leg of a five-hour flight. thank goodness there's a seat between me and the champion snorer. i look out the window. clouds. boring. ok, i'll write something.
day 1 - flight to cairo
yesterday up at three am, folks drove me to the airport, said goodbyes, mom cried, boarded plane. can't figure out if i'm relieved or sad that henry didn't show up to say goodbye. half a benadryl got me from new york to frankfort. one-hour stopover. currently en route to cairo.
henry. damn him and his adorable name. we had just broken up two weeks ago. this time for good. i think. and apparently a two-year on-again, off-again relationship doesn't warrant a romantic airport parting when you end it for good on a sour note. if only i had been the one to call it quits this time. but i didn't want to think about him anymore. was determined not to think about him. i put my earbuds back in and closed my eyes. patrick wolf always helps me sleep.
i woke to the annoying ding of the little 'seatbelts on' sign posted above me. we were getting close to landing. man, i really have to pee. guess i have to wait since i'm not about to climb over my seat partner for a quasi-recreation of a planes, trains, and automobiles scene. i looked out the window again. finally, something other than clouds. we're landing!
it's so cliche, i know, but night landing into a big city is always amazing. at first glance, cairo looks like any other foreign city - but this is egypt, baby. i look hard and can just make out the mosques and rows upon rows of what clay houses tucked amid the lighted sky scrapers and darting neon traffic. now this was a city. don't forget the dark desert that stretched beyond the lights holding simple things like, oh, i don't know, freaking pyramids.
too bad we were only here for a fuel-up.
chapter one
my pencil broke.
it's my own fault, i guess. i mean, who still uses a pencil these days? i dug around in my carry-on for a pen. found one. a scratchy old bic that i thought i threw away. perfect.
i look down at my new 'journal'. an expensive dark brown leatherbound that looks like i found it in some old man's study next to a half-empty bottle of scotch. nice going-away present, mom and dad. you guys said you thought i would appreciate it. unfortunately you didn't think i would appreciate some cold hard cash or a fancy ipad. no, an old man notebook is just fine for our little princess.
anyway. what am i supposed to write in this thing? not like i don't have the time right now, since i'm on the middle leg of a five-hour flight. thank goodness there's a seat between me and the champion snorer. i look out the window. clouds. boring. ok, i'll write something.
day 1 - flight to cairo
yesterday up at three am, folks drove me to the airport, said goodbyes, mom cried, boarded plane. can't figure out if i'm relieved or sad that henry didn't show up to say goodbye. half a benadryl got me from new york to frankfort. one-hour stopover. currently en route to cairo.
henry. damn him and his adorable name. we had just broken up two weeks ago. this time for good. i think. and apparently a two-year on-again, off-again relationship doesn't warrant a romantic airport parting when you end it for good on a sour note. if only i had been the one to call it quits this time. but i didn't want to think about him anymore. was determined not to think about him. i put my earbuds back in and closed my eyes. patrick wolf always helps me sleep.
i woke to the annoying ding of the little 'seatbelts on' sign posted above me. we were getting close to landing. man, i really have to pee. guess i have to wait since i'm not about to climb over my seat partner for a quasi-recreation of a planes, trains, and automobiles scene. i looked out the window again. finally, something other than clouds. we're landing!
it's so cliche, i know, but night landing into a big city is always amazing. at first glance, cairo looks like any other foreign city - but this is egypt, baby. i look hard and can just make out the mosques and rows upon rows of what clay houses tucked amid the lighted sky scrapers and darting neon traffic. now this was a city. don't forget the dark desert that stretched beyond the lights holding simple things like, oh, i don't know, freaking pyramids.
too bad we were only here for a fuel-up.
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